View Full Version : Practical Jokes
Rick suggested we post some practical jokes, so I thought I'd start us off.
In Basic Training I learned to mimic some of the Drill Sergeants. As many know, you don't walk in the barracks with your boots on because it messes up the floor. Well, you also know that when the Drill Sgt. calls for formation, you haul @ss to get there. The 4th platoon was in their barracks and all of their boots were lined up outside their door and we're on the top floor.
I walk up to their (open) door and in my best Drill Sgt. Bobonis (? spelling) yell, "Fourth platoon, you better get down in formation RIGHT NOW!" The mad scramble is on! Guys grabbing at their boots and trying to get them on and heading down the stairs. Oh, what a sight to see. Pushing, shoving, yelling, people hopping on one foot trying to get the other boot on, pandemonium! We watched from our doorway and enjoyed.
Fifteen minutes later, the 4th platoon trudges up the stairs trying to figure out what just happened. The knew they'd been had, but they didn't know who to blame. They had been in the company area in formation for around 10 or so minutes when one of their other Drill Sgts. walked through and asked what they were doing. They told him Drill Sgt. Bobonis called a formation. "He did, did he?" "Yes, Drill Sergeant!" "That's funny, he's not even here, he's off today!"
They stopped by our door on the way back in and asked if we knew what was going on. We told them we had no idea, we heard Bobonis yell to them about formation and we went to the door to see if we were going to get called too and watched them run off. That's when they told us he wasn't around. Of course, we told them that he probably was around and was probably screwing with them.
A reletive relayed a story about rifle inspection. It seems that their big joke was to put an empty en bloc in a soldiers Garand just before inspection. When the bolt was locked back the soldier got an en bloc in the face, right in front of the DS.
Had a prank go bad and was never able to share with anyone.
My section had the duty and in the middle of the night the laundry called for us to pick up our clean stuff. My striker threw a fit and didn't want to get the laundry so I said I'll get it but if someone calls and needs a photographer your going to have to do that. Well in a few minutes surprise surprise he did get a phone call telling him to get himself up to the Captains Quarter in full dress uniform. So my slacker had to shave and get dressed up in his best, grabs a camera ,and heads to the Captains Quarters. The Marine guard didn't know what was going on so he got the Captain out of bed. The Captain didn't know what was happening so he got the Admirals Captain out of bed thinking he might of ordered the photographer. This Captain didn't know anything so he got the Admiral out of bed.
By this time I have two Captains out of bed and an irate Admiral who calls my Photo Officer and get him out of bed. Really didn't plan on all this but when I walked in the door of the Photo Lab to a hornets nest I get jumped by an irate slacker and the Photo Officer. My reply I don't know I was getting the laundry and had to make three trips to get it all. Actually got away with this one and no one suspected a thing.
Griff Murphey
10-21-2010, 08:39
As a background note, this was when BLT 1-4 was on float for the VN evacuation in 1975. I think this was on USS DUBUQUE LPD-8.
One of the 2Lts in 1st Bn 4th Marines took another 2Lt's jockeys and put a dot of Brasso right where it would be to simulate the effects of a venereal disease. He then concocted a note saying" Lt. Jones, sir, as a Marine officer you should not be running around exposing yourself to diseases like this. This is a terrible example for your men! Signed: One of Your Men in the Laundry" and put it in with the victim's clean laundry coming back to him. The victim was alternatively paranoid ("Uh oh! Did I pick up somethin'?"), embarassed, and scared spitless until the perp let him off.
Dan Shapiro
10-22-2010, 10:16
One of the guys in our intelligence section had about 40 different pictures of his wife under a glass cover on his desk. She wore a different outfit in each picture, but always the same pair of sunglasses. One day we decided to 'set up' one of the most obnoxious NCO's in our section. This guy never had a kind word for anyone. So we primed him by saying "Go over to White's desk and check out the pictures of his wife. When you're done, say something like 'What's with your wife and the sunglasses, does she think she's a freaking movie star?'"
So the NCO goes over, checks out the pics and makes the movie star comment. White just looks at him and calmly says "For your information Sergeant, my wife is blind." The NCO's face turns about 6 shades of red as he mumbled an apology and hurried off. Meanwhile, the rest of us are laughing our butts off. The NCO comes back later and informs us that "White's wife is blind you stupid #$@."
The guy walked on pins and needles after that and almost became human. We waited two days before he rotated out before telling him that White's wife wasn't blind.
John Sukey
10-22-2010, 12:38
Not a prank, but I still remember Sgt Parks at the reception center, Ft. Leonard Wood
"This is my linoleum (running down the center of the bay) YOU will NOT walk on My linoleum"
"these are MY doors. You will NOT slam MY doors
"These are my bunks, You will NOT sit on MY bunks"
"These are MY stairs, you will NOT run down MY stairs"
And his assistant, "You have five seconds ta shine yo boots and three of them are gone already!"
The mess hall had coal burning stoves so one of the KP's jobs was "fireman"
Michael Tompkins
10-22-2010, 02:53
The best practical joke I recall was one that I was on the receiving end of. I was pretty brand-new and my first duty station was at a Nike-Herc site in W.Germany. As a young and dumb MP and an FNG as well, I was often given the sh*t jobs while on duty.
One particular day I was told to grab my gear and head to Missile Maintenance and report to WO3 Leon for an "assignment". I was told to take my buddy Mallory Gober as well. It seems we were to be pulling some escort duty for Mr. Leon. So we grabbed our sh*t and headed up to Maintenance, and actually kind of proud that we had been chosen. When we arrived we met Mr. Leon and he explained to us that we were going to be escorting some "Blue Status" into the Exclusion Area and then head to Charlie Barn. He handed us a silver can about the size of a coffee can with a plastic lid on it. He told us that it contained "rocket fuel" and was to be handled carefully. I took that sealed can and could feel the fuel sloshing around inside.
So back down to Post 2 we go, the whole time Gober walking beside me with his M-16 at port-arms. We arrive at Post 2 and get ready to be cleared to go into the Ex Area ( the area that contained the 3 missile barns) when we are told that "they" were not ready to receive us yet at Charlie Barn. We were then instructed by my SOG to post a guard inside Post 2 until we could go in. Still carrying the can, I was told to go inside the utility closet and shut the door. Mallory was then posted outside the door and told to use his halting procedures if approached. I do remember hearing him halt Dennis Arps who was trying to get down the hallway to use the latrine.
So, meanwhile I am standing inside the dark utility closet holding this can. I decide to turn on a light so I could see. After a few minutes, my curiousity got the better of me and I decided to see what "rocket fuel" looked like. After all, who was going to know if I popped the lid off and took a peek? So I carefully peel back the lid to see about 1" of a yellowish liquid in the bottom. I put my face down even closer to see what it smelled like and then it dawned on me! With that, I quietly knocked on the inside of the door to get Mallory's attention and then opened it. He was standing directly in front of it when I cracked it open.
I whispered, "Mallory, Mallory!"
He said, "What are you doing? You shouldn't open the door!"
I said, "The can...the can is full of piss!!
He said, "What?"
I said, "This can is full of piss!!"
With that, everyone that had been hanging around in ear-shot started laughing their ass*s off! I had to admit that it was a great prank and started laughing as well. I then asked them if they still wanted me to deliver the "rocket fuel" to Charlie Barn. We all laughed again. I'll never forget that one.
Griff Murphey
10-23-2010, 07:08
Related to the above, this one is hearsay as Camp Dallas (The FortWorth/Dallas high school ROTC Summer Camp at Fort Wolters in Mineral Wells, Texas) closed the summer before (1964) I started in high school, but the story goes the Cadet Col. C.O. of the camp called the duty cadet officer and requested a glass of iced lemonade be brought to him and you can imagine how it went from there, but: picture the orderly with the tray and a little towel hanging from his forearm; the "perfect" waiter. Cannot say I witnessed this, but the older guys told and retold that one.
Remember these are high school boys; another one from back then was the day they invited all of the Mineral Wells high school girls to swim and one of the cadets left a finless brown tuna on the bottom of the pool, ending the activities in shreiks.
mike24d20
10-23-2010, 09:20
Not a practical joke, but still funny. While in Korea in the 70's we had on site drills conducted by the bn. crt team. When they arrived an blew the horn one of the BCC personal was in the crapper. He ran outside while trailing toilet paper an yanking up his pants. At least the CRT team got a good laugh along with the rest of us . C btry. 1 st. Bn. 2 sd. ADA HAWK
One USN practical joke I heard about was putting black shoe polish on the the rubber eye cups on the "big eyes" outside the bridge. Whoever used them next would get 2 black eyes. Pray to god it wasn't the captain.
-Jeff L
John Sukey
10-23-2010, 07:04
Bulliten board at 101st Abn ( an officer jumped first to test wind conditions)
Day one; Colonel so and so, Weather Control officer
Day Two; Captain so and so, Turbulence tester
Day three; Lieutenant so and so, WIND DUMMY:D
We had a standard operating procedure for new officers coming on the Carrier. We would get them lost then ditch them on the ship. Every time they would ask directions someone would send them on a wild goose chase. If you saw a young officer carrying a duffel bag everyone gave them the run around. I've heard the record was a copula days but I think and hour or two was more believable.
I was standing a watch with the OD who was also the XO. We got a young boot and I was to escort him to his destination. So I took him up to the 03 level and asked him if he could wait a minute while I went to the head. Instead I went back to my watch standing by the XO. The XO eventually asked me if I had got our young officer lost. Thinking I was in trouble but would be in more trouble if I lied. I said I had. The XO actually smiled and just said good. Didn't know he had a sense of humor and was relived he didn't call the Marines to throw me in the brig.
To me the best practical jokes are the ones that could come back on you but when you get away with them they are the funniest ones. Have had jokes pulled on me several times and I really enjoyed them. If you can't laugh at yourself and see humor in things life would be boring indeed. Those that couldn't take a joke were miserable as no one would ever let up on them.
The engineering spaces on a nuclear sub (everything aft of Frame 85) were normally off-limits to non-nuclear personnel, except when someone was getting qualified in submarines. The start of every patrol always had three or four NQPs (non-qualified pukes) showing up looking for a can of relative bearing grease.
Dan Shapiro
10-25-2010, 06:30
Did sort of the same thing with our Morse intercept operators. When one took a break and went to the can, "someone" would wander over to their radio, pick up the headsets and rub carbon paper over the earpieces. You could tell who had been around a while. On returning, first thing they did was rub their headset earpieces over their trouser leg.
On mid-watch the other 'fun' thing to do was take flash paper, wrap some around a guy who'd fallen asleep at his position. We'd wheel this HUGH CO2 fire extinguisher up behind the guy. "Someone" would yell FIRE!, at which point another person would flick a match onto the flash paper. The victim would jerk awake in time to see themselves enveloped in flames and then suddenly become doused in a really cold fog.
Funny thing was, no one usually feel asleep on mids............for some reason.
Dan Shapiro
10-25-2010, 06:44
On another note about 'stupid things the military does'............
One day, while at my desk going over reports, a hugh package landed in the in-box. The routing slip had my name on it, indicating that I was to review the attached planning documents, make recommendations and pass the package along. At the time, being just an E-4, I was rather proud that someone would want my humble opinion on anything. Not seeing anything I had any expertise in, I merely initialed next to my name, dated it, and passed it out.
No hit, no foul, right?
About 10 days later, I get an envelope from Planning. Inside is the routing slip, along with the following message.
"The document attached to the enclosed routing slip was set to you in error. Therefore, please draw a line through your name on the routing slip, then erase your initials and date/initial your erasure. Return documents to planning ASAP."
It's been over 30 years, so I believe the statute of limitations has run out. I can now confess that I did not erase my initials and initial my erasure. I just made an erasure mark on the paper and dated it.
The old ships had sea water running down a trough under the commode seats. So you could drop a lighted wad of news paper in the first and sing hair all the way down the line. Never saw these myself ,ours flushed, but the Chief told me the story. If I was lighting the paper I sure would of wanted running shoes on but how fast can guys be in the sitting position with their pants around the ankles.
Maybe an old salt will chime in and tell us if this ever happened.
Dan In Indiana
10-25-2010, 08:29
Does a guy taking a dump in an empty GI coffee can, putting it under the Hut Commanders [me] bunk while I was out to the pisser before hitting the rack count? This was in Nam, during the "warm" part of the year when it might get down to ninety degrees of a night. I tossed and turned for a half and hour before I started looking for whatever was making that gawd awful odor. Finally looked under the rack and then started a string of words that might be in a dictionary today. Then all the lights came on and the laughter started. Lots of field days, and racking the "grass" [ the sand at Chu Lai] for a couple of days after that. Walked into the shop next day, the MSgt. in charge must have heard of the incident as he was chuckling big time.
Griff Murphey
10-26-2010, 05:11
Rick, if you ever get the chance to visit the USS TEXAS BB-35 in Houston, it has those old fashioned "trough" heads with seats above the troughs.
We had the same arrangement ashore at the MAU camp in Subic bay, near Cubi Point, but since the structure of the head was wood I never heard of anyone trying that burning paper bit.
The brown-water sanitary tanks on the 616 Class ballistic missile subs were blown to sea with high-pressure air. This was accomplished by the Forward Auxiliaryman from the pipe tunnel below decks in the Operations Compartment. There was a manhole in the deck just aft of the crews' berthing area where he would climb down into the pipe tunnel. The tunnel was about six feet deep.
One day, an auxiliaryman was blowing the sanitary tank, not knowing that someone had isolated the pressure gage. He would open the air valve, tap the gage, open it some more, tap the gage . . . . There was a 700 psi relief valve right next to his head. When it lifted, it filled the pipe tunnel with a brown mist full of toilet paper particles and other unmentionable items. The stink was what you would expect. The poor guy came crawling up out of the tunnel covered with the nastiest stuff you ever saw - or smelled. No one would go near him until he wrapped himself up in plastic and headed into the showers.
In support of wargames in West Germany in the 1980's our little team of two Jeeps with trailers would be wrapped in white engineer tape and posted on some high ground with line of sight to the platoon CP. The white tape made it known to both sides of the "war" that we were to be left to do our jobs and not be messed with. Well, this white glove treatment led to some long shifts with little excitement. On one occasion, without going into too much detail, we managed to simulate the loss of a CEOI from one of the participating infantry units. Losing one of those COMSEC bibles was worse than losing a weapon, as was made evident by the lengthy and intense search of that unit's previous bivouac site. As I recall, a notional arty strike was called in - before the COMSEC NCO could gather everyone and do a physical count - and the recipient's of the faux barrage were let in on the joke.
Hal O'Peridol
10-26-2010, 02:34
Did sort of the same thing with our Morse intercept operators. When one took a break and went to the can, "someone" would wander over to their radio, pick up the headsets and rub carbon paper over the earpieces. You could tell who had been around a while. On returning, first thing they did was rub their headset earpieces over their trouser leg.
They were STILL doing this at Gablingen when I got there in 1983. Another couple at the time for those who ended up snoozing on a mid shift was to either tie their boot strings together or paint the cap on their Corcorans with white out.....
ejallbaugh
10-26-2010, 08:25
in 1993 my unit was doing an artep. We had just finished up and staged our vehicles for the 9hr drive back to our post. Everyone went into the px and got some drinks and then checked our trucks one last time before we left. Our commander told us to get in the trucks and lets go. We were about an hour down the road when I noticed only one person in the HMMVEE in front of mine. My Commander was not there so we got on the radio to see if he got into another truck. He was not with us and his drive suddenlhy became real scarred. The SSG that I worked with and I went back to post we left and found him with a 12pack sitting outside the px. When he told us to go he decided to go inside to buy another drink. Best joke I have seen someone pull on themself. When he got back in the truck he was a little upset, I looked at him and said S@%* happens. We all started laughing and decided to mess with the rest of the unit. When we caught back up to the rest of the unit he told them we were going right back to the field for a couple more weeks. His driver did not look at him for next 8hours until we got back to our post. When we got there he bought pizza and beer for everyone. He was one of the best commanders I worked for.
John Sukey
10-26-2010, 11:20
Germany. 15 folks on the firing line with M2 carbines and 30 round magazines. The usual thing, we don't want to bring back any unfired ammo. Someone yelled, "There's a rabbit!" They ALL MISSED.
John Sukey
10-26-2010, 11:22
Enyone ever send a newbie out for spool of Flight line? or a can of dihedral?
Nick Riviezzo
10-27-2010, 05:06
How about a bucket of rotor wash? When the dupe arrived with a bucket of water youl'd send him back to get the the new blue kind![that was a bucket of water with Cheer Detergent in it. Of course, the further the dupe had to go both ways the better the joke. Nick
We'd send guys to supply for a box of grid squares. Sometimes the supply guy would send him back with a box of white target pasters.
Back in the day Photographers developed B&W prints by hand. Your hands were in developer all day and it would eventually turn your nails brown. So when a new boy would ask how do I get this brown off my hands you would sprinkle some powdered purple chemicals on their hands. Now this turned the hands purple and doesn't wash off. Pulled this on a new boy and took it to the next level. Gave him the OMG you are having a reaction you better go to sick bay right now before it spreads. So this guy goes screaming into sick bay and the corpsmen scrubbed him for a couple hours to get him somewhat back to white.
A couple months later the same guy asked again how do I get my hands clean. I'm thinking the guy is messing with me as no one could be this stupid. So I did it again and it was back to sickbay. This time the corpsmen sent him back purple. So I showed him the second chemical that took out the purple and also the brown stains.
Not me but my brother-in-law, while stationed at some stateside post, living in on base quarters with his teen age son. The son and some friends got into the Officers swim pool one nite and 'spiked' it with tad poles. The wifes and kids showed next day for their day at the pool and the screaming started. Story soon was all over the base, of course, and later that day the boy was cutting the grass when the MP's showed up to see B-in-L about an unrelated matter. The boy about sh*t his pants, when the MP's left he was right up asking Dad what they wanted, etc, etc,. Tom told him they were investigating the pool incident, the kid was really worried then! Tom had a suspicion, but know he knew. He just let the kid stew. Funny thing is when story is told to-day the kid (now in his 40's) always say he does not remember anything like that!
Dan Shapiro
10-27-2010, 02:24
When working in the comm center, we'd send new guys down to "See Sgt Greenleaf in supply and tell him we need a couple of fallopian tubes for the Prick 90's" (PRC90 - emergency radio).
I believe it was on the USS Boxer, we put a brand new butter bar lieutenant in the bow for "mail buoy watch". He was told not to leave his post until properly relieved. Everyone forgot about him until the next morning when a man overboard drill was called and he couldn't be found. Someone finally remembered where he was and went and retrieved him.
We were in rough seas at the time and he looked like a drowned cat. He turned out to be a pretty good guy as he never ratted out who put him on "mail buoy watch".
Dan In Indiana
10-28-2010, 03:30
A jar of "zero beets" or "the keys to the jeep".
"Canopy lights" for a night jump or a can of "riser" grease.
BEAR
Newbies to our company in Alaska used to have to pull "earthquake watch". It started after midnight and they would pull 2hr shifts in the platoon CP watching a glass of colored water that had two lines drawn on it. The water was filled to the first line and if the watchers heard a loud noise and saw the water move to the second line then we were having an earthquake and they had to run through the barracks pounding on the doors yelling "Earthquake!" They were instructed to start on the top floor since they were in most danger (it was also a different company). The interior rooms in these old concrete barracks were pretty flimsy and when someone came through the double doors on our floor the slaming of the doors would cause a vibration in the CPs window sill and presto, instant "earthquake". It was all fun and games until the guys upstairs got pissed and tossed a red smoke grenade into our hallway, evacuating our rooms and destroying our highly buffed floor. Later on, in the middle of winter one of our nimrods decided to pay them back with a CS grenade not realizing that CS gas settles. We all spent the rest of the night in an unused messhall in sleeping bags.
BEAR
inland44
10-31-2010, 08:11
Practical Joke, I think not... but still funny. a former USAF sgt. told me of the time stationed in the Azores. Things may have been a bit more relaxed but female NCO's regularly ended up in the officers quarters. On the way back to quarters the male NCOs made it a point to stop off at the Officers AC units and releave them selfs in the condensers. After a while the officers didnt have much company in their billiets.
Ron James
11-01-2010, 04:59
Germany, 1965, out in the field again, seemed like we lived in the field. It was a good company, aviation type, every body busted their butts and got along with each other. As a young SP/5 I was known as a joker and I tried to live up to my reputation. About the third day out I stared walking around with a plastic spoon in my utility shirt lapel. For over an hour every one ignored me, finally the section chief, an E-8 stopped me, saying" I know I'm going to regret this but what the hell are you wearing that spoon for?'. I looked him in the eye and said " Why, Master Sgt. Kent, this signifies that I eat this $hit up" He was drinking a cup of coffee at the time and after he stopped choking , he had a long talk with me, but when he walked away I could see he was laughing. I'm not sure how I survived 27 years in the army with out going to the stockade.
My E-6 was a chili man. Like the stuff so much he had the 1st Class mess order cases of the little individual cans so he could have a can anytime he wanted. So I did some haggling and traded some photographs for the entire supply.
So he heads out for one of his cans of chili and returned a short time later cussing a blue streak because the mess was out of chili. I let him go on a while than asked him how many cases would you like to have. He finally ran down a bit and gave me a look of disbelief. The next question was how did you get 25 cases and then don't tell me I don't want to know. You can't really bust a man that lets you use his line shack for his high stake poker game
We all ate a can or two and one night most of the chili showed back up in the 1st Class pantry. My purpose was a practical joke not to be a chili thief.
In the day being able to procure things was called a comshaw artist in the Navy. A title that was-an honour to have.
plastrr385
03-03-2011, 10:31
My cousin who is in the army is a mechanic and he told me he has sent a girl the one time for a filament repair kit and explained to her that the government decided it was cheaper to repair the bulbs then replace them. He would also send guys to supply for ba 1100 ns and when they got there they got balloons I think I'm not 100% sure on that one. But I know he is a practicle joker. I'm not military but I think he is still an E8. I know he is 1 or to steps from maxing out as an NCO.
Jeff---that one was in a movie once. Don't remember which one.
Not in the service but an oil refinery---we had long glass thermomtors in metal tubes welded in various piping to keep track of temps, which were recorded every 2 hours. These sometimes got broken and were hell to get out as they were verticale. New operators would always be sent to the lab for a "glass magnet". The lab people would send them back with a solid glass rod and told to rub it and it would work. The new guy would work for a long time with that glass magnet!
Not a joke but
My father told me that in boot camp in the mid '50s the M-1s were stored in racks in the barracks and the drill instructor would come in and go right down the line pulling all the triggers. He said once a round went off and went thru the ceiling and all Hell broke loose. The guy that left the loaded M1 was going to have a very bad day.......
We had a guy at RAF Mildenhall who caught a hedgehog and put it in a shoebox. He told everyone that he was going to keep it as a pet. When he left to go take a fuel run the other airmen decided he was too careless and would just let it starve to death. So, they let it go. Then they decided they didn't want to spend half the night hearing him gripe about that so they put a can of Pepsi in the empty shoebox.
Amazing! every time he moved the box or tried to peek inside the can would roll and shift the box and he thought his hedgehog was trying to get out. He took the can home with him at the end of the shift.....LOL Apparently he was a bit confused and not too happy when he got home and realized he had been tricked by a soda can.
Also, there is sending the new guy out for 50ft of flightline, 50ft of shoreline (At coastal bases)
Then there are exhaust samples. (not as good with the new "green" diesel engines)
A classic was sending a new guy to get some fallopian tubes. Eventually someone directed him to the med group who sent him to women's health to speak to a gynecologist.
Former Cav
05-01-2011, 07:28
QUOTE
A classic was sending a new guy to get some fallopian tubes. END QUOTE
I was in the 1/77th Armor at Ft. Carson CO and we had M-60 tanks there back in 1967. We'd send some new guy to the Alpha company motor pool and tell them to get some tubing for the hyrdraulics inside the turret and it HAD to be Fallopian brand. "Just tell the guy you need some Fallopian tubes and he'll know what you want and how much", of course he'd get to the motor pool and the motor pool Sgt would catch on real quick and tell him he was out of it and to go to Bravo Company, Then Bravo would send him to Charlie Co, etc. They'd finally send the sucker up to Brigade somewhere. It was always entertaining.
Believe it or not, in So. Korea in 1966 they ISSUED "crab ointment" right out of supply, no prescription required!!
those were the days.
Bob
blackhawknj
09-23-2011, 12:51
Mine are still "classified" by "The Agency" but here are some I have heard from other veterans:
1. Controlled Substances DO have their usefulness. A Major I served with in the New York National Guard told me that he was once assigned to a Brigade S-2 section. The major in charge was a real jerk, took a dislike to a young soldier (and a good one) who was just doing his time and made it clear that when his enlistment ended (this was in the late 60s-early 70s) he was gone. The major ran that young troop ragged, especially during Annual Training. At the last one, the kid had his revenge. He spiked the coffee with amphetamines. Everyone who partook spent the first week wired, unable to rest, let alone sleep, nervous, jittery, then......
2. You can have a lot fun with ordinary household substances. One Army veteran serving in Germany in the 1970s said the Army had become very paranoid about arms room security and even walking past the locked arms room made you an object of suspicion. Early one morning they had an "alert'-oops, excuse me, "readiness test". Someone had injected glue into the locks of every arms room in the battalion.
3. The US Postal Service is your friend. A Marine serving in the 1980s said they had an E-4 who bucking hard from E-5 and decided the best way to do it was to be an SOB and a p----. At Mail Call he would receive packages that contained-homosexual porn.
Michael Tompkins
09-24-2011, 06:29
Duty at the Nike-Herc site was 24 on and 24 off for us MPs. Then we did 4 on 4 off inside the 24 hours. The mess hall sent us down "mid-night chow" on occasion which consisted of a couple of packs of hotdogs and buns. Pretty sad actually. No one really messed with the hotdogs, so they were thrown into the fridge to pile up.
One night, our COR Spec 4 "Bootsy" Collins came into the bunk room to wake us up for the 4 hr shift. He flips the light on and gives us the usual wake-up spiel. His buddy Mallory Gober wasn't getting up and kept going back to sleep. Bootsy went to the fridge and come back with a hotdog in his hand. Meanwhile, most of us had gotten up and were putting on our gear. (We all slept in our clothes because security reasons would not allow us to undress.) It was apparant that Bootsy had something in mind for Gober so we all stood there and watched...about a dozen of us.
Bootsy carefully climbed onto Gober's bunk and then carefully straddled his body with his crotch right in Mallory's face. He unzipped his pants and pulled his junk out. He then started to rub the hotdog back and forth across Mallory's lips. He did this several times until Mallory started to wake up. As soon as Gober opened his eyes, Bootsy hid the hotdog behind his back. So, there he lay with Bootsy's junk in his face and a wet feeling on his lips. Gober yelled and started trying throw Bootsy off him like a bucking bronco. The whole bunk room was screaming with laughter. Bootsy jumped off and ran out with Gober right behind him. Gober chased him around a bit, but then gave up.
Early in the morning at shift change, now it was Bootsy who was asleep in the bunk room. Mallory came down from the tower and we knew that it was going to be time for a little revenge. Mallory went a grabbed one of the larger CO2 fire extinguishers and brought it into the bunk room. He held the large bell-shape nozzle up to sleeping Bootsy's head and let go. In an instant, Bootsy's entire head looked frozen. He jumped up and started chasing Mallory around and eventually they wound up chasing each other around outside. Bootsy was a black guy and his his frozen hair made him look like a human strike-anywhere kitchen match chasing after Mallory. Funny stuff! Mike
Airborne505
10-28-2011, 09:25
While on the peace keeping tour with the MFO in the Sinai we had the
C-rats and also started using the mre's. We had OP's all along the coast
and up in the mountains, we would be at one OP for ten days and then transfer
another OP for another 10 days or be on a continues partrol. We had our latrines
about 50 yards plus away from the OP they were metal lockers with a seat in it, they cut the bottom 1/3 off a 55 gal drum and you know the drill, well we had to
burn the s!@$ but what we did was take the small thin C-rat can that had peanut
butter, jelly or cheese and throw one or two in the crap so the first sap that stood there and stirred it while it burned had no idea what was coming. We sat there on the edge of the trenches taking bets how long it would take one of those jelly Bombs to explode. When it did cook off it flew I mean he was covered and man was he mad , started throwing rocks at us we ducked into the trenches laughing, falling down and dodging rocks. From then on we all took our turn with the big stink stick and when you saw the guys at the trench line pointing and laughing you knew you were going to be the days entertainment.
Sean P Gilday
10-29-2011, 07:14
Lets see....
Signed an NCO up for the NAMBLA Newsletter, and Ordered some rubber pocket rockets in his name delivered to the Bn Cdr's office, whilestationed as USMA, West Point.
Made a Fake USO Leaflet up saying meet the cast of Star Wars at the South Victory PX in Baghdad the next day and left it in the TOC. Certain 2lt next afternoon was fuming about missing it and My joes kept coming in saying they had pics with Sam Jackson, Harrison Ford, etc driving the 2lt up a wall. He really deserved it.
Same 2lt while at Cp. Stryker someone left a condom with chocolate on the tip and hand lotioninside it on his sleeping bag. He comes in grabs it holding it next to his face screaming who's is this? Myself and other NCO calmly look over and say thought it was yours sir, and go back to our conversation while he realizes he is supposed to be holding a used Condom and freaks out running out of the tent.
Fellow Soldier at tent city, NTC scared of Spiders. While in shower we cover cot in hundreds of plastic toy spiders from PX and cover with Wubbie. Cue scream when he comes in and tries to get in cot
While stationed at a CJ-SOTF compund in Baghdad, renamed a certain Plt Ldrs Land rover gun truck "The Closet" and found a Blank I Heart sticker filled in with 2nd Plt Ldrs first name (Colin)and affixed to rear bumber of same landrover.
Michael Tompkins
11-01-2011, 01:56
Lets see....
Signed an NCO up for the NAMBLA Newsletter, and Ordered some rubber pocket rockets in his name delivered to the Bn Cdr's office, whilestationed as USMA, West Point.
Made a Fake USO Leaflet up saying meet the cast of Star Wars at the South Victory PX in Baghdad the next day and left it in the TOC. Certain 2lt next afternoon was fuming about missing it and My joes kept coming in saying they had pics with Sam Jackson, Harrison Ford, etc driving the 2lt up a wall. He really deserved it.
Same 2lt while at Cp. Stryker someone left a condom with chocolate on the tip and hand lotioninside it on his sleeping bag. He comes in grabs it holding it next to his face screaming who's is this? Myself and other NCO calmly look over and say thought it was yours sir, and go back to our conversation while he realizes he is supposed to be holding a used Condom and freaks out running out of the tent.
Fellow Soldier at tent city, NTC scared of Spiders. While in shower we cover cot in hundreds of plastic toy spiders from PX and cover with Wubbie. Cue scream when he comes in and tries to get in cot
While stationed at a CJ-SOTF compund in Baghdad, renamed a certain Plt Ldrs Land rover gun truck "The Closet" and found a Blank I Heart sticker filled in with 2nd Plt Ldrs first name (Colin)and affixed to rear bumber of same landrover.
Somebody was a bad boy! When did you find time to soldier??? Ha! Mike
Michael Tompkins
11-01-2011, 02:07
I was due to rotate out of D 5/6 ADA, so I decided to leave a calling card on the roof of the Ready Bldg on the actual missile site. When we weren't in the towers, we were in the Ready Bldg. I found a gallon can of signal yellow enamel paint and climbed up on top of the roof. I popped the top open and just began to pour it out onto the tar pitch roof in great, big 10 foot letters. F....T....A.
I rotated out about a month later to my new duty assignment. It wasn't until I was out of the Army that I heard from a buddy what had happened. I never told anyone I did it, but they guessed it was me. Seems D Battery got a new battalion commander about 6 months after I left. He decided to visit all of the batteries via a UH-1. Saw my art work from above and did some major heel-locking once on the ground. He told me that several of the MPs had to haul sandbags up onto the roof and spread around the sand to cover up the letters. I'm such a stinker! I hated that place, but I got in the last laugh! Mike
Greg Ficklin
11-12-2011, 03:47
I was new to BN maint of the 3rd AAV Bn at Camp Del Mar in Camp Pendleton, CA. Our tool room NCO was the most respected and meticulous Sgt.Carmichael. He was very busy with tool room stuff, and seemed in dire need when he ordered me to go up to Top Zimmerman's office. "What do you need Car ?" I asked. .."I need some BA 11 hunded N's...I'm all out of them !" He said.
"It is a form I need to inventory the common set "B". Top Z has a whole stack of them. Go up there and get them for me.
He told me where his office was and reminded me to call him "Sir".
I felt uneasy about the whole thing, something just didn't seem right. But this was a lawful order from a superior NCO. I get to Top Z's office and knocked. He was busy, and seemed a bit irritated that I knocked on his hatch.
" What can I do for you Marine?" I was nervous, seeing all those stripes on his collar. I said " Sgt Carmichael, from BN maint. sent me for some BA-11 hundred N's. He looked really irritated now, as he slammed his pen down on his desk and looked at me. "Are you stupid ?.... You don't look stupid" he said. "Come over here, and write down what he sent you for. He had one of those big desk top calenders that people write on. I wrote B=A-11-00-N ..."Balloon?".... "GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY OFFICE !
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