Sam: Important information

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  • barretcreek
    Senior Member
    • Sep 2013
    • 6065
    #1

    Sam: Important information

    Study Finds Dogs Twitching In Sleep Are Dreaming About Tearing Owners Limb From Limb
    https://www.theonion.com/study-finds-dogs-twitching-in-sleep-are-dreaming-about-1830655798
    ITHACA, NY—A study released Monday by animal behaviorists at Cornell University found that dogs that twitch, move their paws repeatedly, or growl in their sleep are, in fact, dreaming vividly about tearing their owners limb from limb. “After thousands of hours of observation, we are forced to conclude that any dog witnessed making even the slightest of movements in its sleep is living out a cathartic vision of absolutely mauling their owners,” said lead researcher Dr. Hana Michaels, adding that any dog, regardless of breed, size, gender, or degree of training, was visualizing the act of devouring its master if observed fidgeting even the slightest bit while sleeping. “Many dogs will suddenly jerk their bodies as if they’ve been startled in their sleep; in fact, they’re seeing themselves pawing your face off, sinking their teeth into your neck, and feeling the hot gush of your life’s blood against the backs of their throats. It seems the faster they churn their little legs while curled up on their beds or favorite spots on the couch, the more intent they are about chewing off all your extremities and rooting around in your chest cavity. The quiet whimpers that you think are so sweet are actually coded pack signals calling all other canines in the neighborhood to come and satiate themselves upon your organs.” At press time, Michaels added that owners should be concerned if they see their dog licking themselves, as it may be an indicator that their pet has already slaughtered several victims and is meticulously cleaning blood from its fur.


    Sleep well armed.
    Tags: None
    • JB White
      Senior Member
      • Aug 2009
      • 13371
      #2
      Jeezzzzz....and I thought they were dreaming about chasing rabbits.
      2016 Chicago Cubs. MLB Champions!


      **Never quite as old as the other old farts**

        Comment

        • S.A. Boggs
          Senior Member
          • Aug 2009
          • 8568
          #3
          That's a good one, I just asked Wolf about her dreams and got this reply. Since Wolf usually sleeps on the left side of me by my hip or foot, she rarely moves. Wolf says she dreams about bacon, yogurt, swiping MY pieces of chicken and her favorite...A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER WITH EXTRA CHEESE!
          Sam

            Comment

            • Vern Humphrey
              Administrator - OFC
              • Aug 2009
              • 15875
              #4
              My pit bull, Old Dog Bones says he's dreaming about ripping YOUR face off, Barrett.

              I told him that's not polite -- but I also told him it isn't polite to steal carrots from the donkeys, and he doesn't listen to that, either.

                Comment

                • Mark in Ottawa
                  Senior Member
                  • Sep 2009
                  • 1744
                  #5
                  This all sounds like a piece of fiction (to be polite). I have some trouble picturing an old bearded researcher who looks like Freud saying "Now just lie down on my couch Fido and lets discuss the meaning of your dreams".

                    Comment

                    • gwp
                      Senior Member
                      • Aug 2009
                      • 1088
                      #6
                      Originally posted by Mark in Ottawa
                      This all sounds like a piece of fiction (to be polite). I have some trouble picturing an old bearded researcher who looks like Freud saying "Now just lie down on my couch Fido and lets discuss the meaning of your dreams".
                      The Onion publishes satirical articles.

                        Comment

                        • JB White
                          Senior Member
                          • Aug 2009
                          • 13371
                          #7
                          Does the Onion still publish its "newspapers"? I used to get a kick out of those once in a while.
                          2016 Chicago Cubs. MLB Champions!


                          **Never quite as old as the other old farts**

                            Comment

                            • dryheat
                              Senior Member
                              • Sep 2009
                              • 10587
                              #8
                              My brother would pick up copies of the Nat. Enquirer or Star much to my embarrassment. One day we were at the store and I saw a satirical version of them. He was reading along and about half way through he realized it was fake. I was relieved that he got the joke.
                              If I should die before I wake...great,a little more sleep.

                                Comment

                                • Former Cav
                                  Senior Member
                                  • Sep 2009
                                  • 2241
                                  #9
                                  yeah right.. these so called psychiatrists etc claim they KNOW what you are thinking.
                                  SOON we will have THOUGHT crimes but only if you are a republican.

                                    Comment

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