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He was truly one of the great comedians. If these don't make you laugh then you must be dead.
My wife is very cold. Her side of the water bed is frozen!
My wife really screams during sex! Especially when I walk in on her!
I know my wife cheats on me. Every time I come home, the parrot says "Quick! Out the window!"
In my neighborhood there were so many robberies! Every time I closed a window I hit somebody's hands!
My sex life is nothing. The only time I have sex is when my doctor tells me to cough!
To me, a sex change is one hand to the other!
I told my doctor "I think my wife has V.D." He gave himself a shot of penicillin!
My doctor's really mixed up. He grabbed my knee, told me to cough, then he hit my balls with a hammer!
I'm so ugly, my dog closes his eyes before he humps my leg!
I told my old man I wanted a bubble bath. He brought the water to a boil!
Last week was a rough week. I saw my son and my milkman going to a Father and Son dinner!
When I was a kid I was ugly. When I played in the sand box, my cat kept covering me up!
A guy in my neighborhood was really tough. But he's the one who started acupuncture. He started it with an ice pick.
I just got into astrology but ya know what? All the girls I meet are under the same sign, "For Rent"!
In my town the population never changes. Every time a kid is born some guy leaves town!
I was so poor, in my neighborhood, the rainbow was in black and white.
I sat in Santa's lap and his fly was open!
She was a lovely girl. She told me she was French and English with some German in her, and once in awhile some Italian.
I was so ugly as a kid, on Halloween I had to Trick or Treat by phone!
A fat lady was standing in the street blocking my car. She told me to go around. I said I don't think I have enough gas!
She's so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil!
I know I'm ugly. My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth!
In my neighborhood, the cops are really tough! The other day a cop fired three warning shots ... INTO the guy he was warning!
I had a blind date the other night and the girl had pigtails. But they were under her arms!
The other night I went to an "AA" meeting. There was a 2 drink minimum!
Teenagers are having sex early - just last week my doctor told me he had six cases of V.D.! He's alright now though.
In high school I was voted Most Likely To Masturbate!
My uncle is so lazy, he married a girl who was pregnant!
Last week I was in rough shape - I found out my inflatable doll is a lesbian!
I met a guy last week who's a doctor. He was very upset because he got one of his patients pregnant! He's a veterinarian.
I know I'm getting old. I went to Vegas and played the slot machine. It came up with 3 prunes.
I met a guy in a restaurant and boy was he old! He was so old, I asked him to pass me the salt and pepper and he had to make two trips!
I told my wife I want to die in bed. She said "Again?"
My wife is very cold. Her side of the water bed is frozen!
My wife really screams during sex! Especially when I walk in on her!
I know my wife cheats on me. Every time I come home, the parrot says "Quick! Out the window!"
In my neighborhood there were so many robberies! Every time I closed a window I hit somebody's hands!
My sex life is nothing. The only time I have sex is when my doctor tells me to cough!
To me, a sex change is one hand to the other!
I told my doctor "I think my wife has V.D." He gave himself a shot of penicillin!
My doctor's really mixed up. He grabbed my knee, told me to cough, then he hit my balls with a hammer!
I'm so ugly, my dog closes his eyes before he humps my leg!
I told my old man I wanted a bubble bath. He brought the water to a boil!
Last week was a rough week. I saw my son and my milkman going to a Father and Son dinner!
When I was a kid I was ugly. When I played in the sand box, my cat kept covering me up!
A guy in my neighborhood was really tough. But he's the one who started acupuncture. He started it with an ice pick.
I just got into astrology but ya know what? All the girls I meet are under the same sign, "For Rent"!
In my town the population never changes. Every time a kid is born some guy leaves town!
I was so poor, in my neighborhood, the rainbow was in black and white.
I sat in Santa's lap and his fly was open!
She was a lovely girl. She told me she was French and English with some German in her, and once in awhile some Italian.
I was so ugly as a kid, on Halloween I had to Trick or Treat by phone!
A fat lady was standing in the street blocking my car. She told me to go around. I said I don't think I have enough gas!
She's so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil!
I know I'm ugly. My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth!
In my neighborhood, the cops are really tough! The other day a cop fired three warning shots ... INTO the guy he was warning!
I had a blind date the other night and the girl had pigtails. But they were under her arms!
The other night I went to an "AA" meeting. There was a 2 drink minimum!
Teenagers are having sex early - just last week my doctor told me he had six cases of V.D.! He's alright now though.
In high school I was voted Most Likely To Masturbate!
My uncle is so lazy, he married a girl who was pregnant!
Last week I was in rough shape - I found out my inflatable doll is a lesbian!
I met a guy last week who's a doctor. He was very upset because he got one of his patients pregnant! He's a veterinarian.
I know I'm getting old. I went to Vegas and played the slot machine. It came up with 3 prunes.
I met a guy in a restaurant and boy was he old! He was so old, I asked him to pass me the salt and pepper and he had to make two trips!
I told my wife I want to die in bed. She said "Again?"
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