Churches are the answer!

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  • RED
    Very Senior Member - OFC
    • Aug 2009
    • 11689

    #1

    Churches are the answer!

    So Churches are the answers!

    An area was infested by an inundation of squirrels, not sparing the religious communities.

    The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

    At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery to let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week at thier new water park.

    The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down their water-slide.

    The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

    But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

    And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
  • dryheat
    Senior Member
    • Sep 2009
    • 10587

    #2
    Squirrel. They can swim fruitlessly if the water is deep enough. It's not nice to see. I am inured to the pain squirrels suffer having had every vehicle I own disabled by the little rubber eating critters.
    I know, they didn't invite us here, but $400 is important to me. Luckily, here we don't have very many. This isn't Minnesota.
    If I should die before I wake...great,a little more sleep.

    Comment

    • Allen
      Moderator
      • Sep 2009
      • 10580

      #3
      When I was young we had a pecan orchard. You could go out at night and while driving the tractor see flying squirrels gliding from tree to tree. There wasn't enough of them to do much damage though.

      Now, we have gray squirrels that come out in the day time and, like locust, destroy EVERYTHING. We never had them till we got all these surrounding subdivisions. I blame the people putting out bird feeders (in the subdivisions) for the population boom of the squirrels.

      Comment

      • Vern Humphrey
        Administrator - OFC
        • Aug 2009
        • 15875

        #4
        Squirrel -- it's what's for supper.

        Comment

        • Allen
          Moderator
          • Sep 2009
          • 10580

          #5
          Originally posted by Vern Humphrey
          Squirrel -- it's what's for supper.
          We need to tell that to all the trillions of Asians entering our country.

          Comment

          • Vern Humphrey
            Administrator - OFC
            • Aug 2009
            • 15875

            #6
            Originally posted by Allen
            We need to tell that to all the trillions of Asians entering our country.
            That would only attract more. As Malacca Bob Glennon used to say, "A Chinaman will eat anything that doesn't eat him first.

            Comment

            • Mark in Ottawa
              Senior Member
              • Sep 2009
              • 1744

              #7
              Similar to squirrels but smaller, are chipmunks. We've had a family of them living in the rocks around our pond for several years. They run around our backyard but have never done any harm so I haven't tried to get rid of them. I enjoy watching them run around but they do tend to surprise visitors. And no, I haven't tried to circumcise any of them

              Comment

              • Allen
                Moderator
                • Sep 2009
                • 10580

                #8
                Originally posted by Mark in Ottawa
                Similar to squirrels but smaller, are chipmunks. We've had a family of them living in the rocks around our pond for several years. They run around our backyard but have never done any harm so I haven't tried to get rid of them. I enjoy watching them run around but they do tend to surprise visitors. And no, I haven't tried to circumcise any of them
                The problem will occur if they find a way into your attic and chew up your wiring. They are a type of squirrel so I assume they do what all other squirrels do.

                Comment

                • Vern Humphrey
                  Administrator - OFC
                  • Aug 2009
                  • 15875

                  #9
                  Air guns work great on chipmunks.

                  Comment

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