Practical Jokes

[Dan In Indiana]

A jar of "zero beets" or "the keys to the jeep".

[BEAR]

"Canopy lights" for a night jump or a can of "riser" grease.
BEAR

[BEAR]

Newbies to our company in Alaska used to have to pull "earthquake watch". It started after midnight and they would pull 2hr shifts in the platoon CP watching a glass of colored water that had two lines drawn on it. The water was filled to the first line and if the watchers heard a loud noise and saw the water move to the second line then we were having an earthquake and they had to run through the barracks pounding on the doors yelling "Earthquake!" They were instructed to start on the top floor since they were in most danger (it was also a different company). The interior rooms in these old concrete barracks were pretty flimsy and when someone came through the double doors on our floor the slaming of the doors would cause a vibration in the CPs window sill and presto, instant "earthquake". It was all fun and games until the guys upstairs got pissed and tossed a red smoke grenade into our hallway, evacuating our rooms and destroying our highly buffed floor. Later on, in the middle of winter one of our nimrods decided to pay them back with a CS grenade not realizing that CS gas settles. We all spent the rest of the night in an unused messhall in sleeping bags.
BEAR

[inland44]

Practical Joke, I think not... but still funny. a former USAF sgt. told me of the time stationed in the Azores. Things may have been a bit more relaxed but female NCO's regularly ended up in the officers quarters. On the way back to quarters the male NCOs made it a point to stop off at the Officers AC units and releave them selfs in the condensers. After a while the officers didnt have much company in their billiets.

[Ron James]

Germany, 1965, out in the field again, seemed like we lived in the field. It was a good company, aviation type, every body busted their butts and got along with each other. As a young SP/5 I was known as a joker and I tried to live up to my reputation. About the third day out I stared walking around with a plastic spoon in my utility shirt lapel. For over an hour every one ignored me, finally the section chief, an E-8 stopped me, saying" I know I'm going to regret this but what the hell are you wearing that spoon for?'. I looked him in the eye and said " Why, Master Sgt. Kent, this signifies that I eat this $hit up" He was drinking a cup of coffee at the time and after he stopped choking , he had a long talk with me, but when he walked away I could see he was laughing. I'm not sure how I survived 27 years in the army with out going to the stockade.

[Rick]

My E-6 was a chili man. Like the stuff so much he had the 1st Class mess order cases of the little individual cans so he could have a can anytime he wanted. So I did some haggling and traded some photographs for the entire supply.

So he heads out for one of his cans of chili and returned a short time later cussing a blue streak because the mess was out of chili. I let him go on a while than asked him how many cases would you like to have. He finally ran down a bit and gave me a look of disbelief. The next question was how did you get 25 cases and then don't tell me I don't want to know. You can't really bust a man that lets you use his line shack for his high stake poker game

We all ate a can or two and one night most of the chili showed back up in the 1st Class pantry. My purpose was a practical joke not to be a chili thief.

In the day being able to procure things was called a comshaw artist in the Navy. A title that was-an honour to have.

[plastrr385]

My cousin who is in the army is a mechanic and he told me he has sent a girl the one time for a filament repair kit and explained to her that the government decided it was cheaper to repair the bulbs then replace them. He would also send guys to supply for ba 1100 ns and when they got there they got balloons I think I'm not 100% sure on that one. But I know he is a practicle joker. I'm not military but I think he is still an E8. I know he is 1 or to steps from maxing out as an NCO.

[dave]

Jeff---that one was in a movie once. Don't remember which one.

[dave]

Not in the service but an oil refinery---we had long glass thermomtors in metal tubes welded in various piping to keep track of temps, which were recorded every 2 hours. These sometimes got broken and were hell to get out as they were verticale. New operators would always be sent to the lab for a "glass magnet". The lab people would send them back with a solid glass rod and told to rub it and it would work. The new guy would work for a long time with that glass magnet!

[Twinson]

Not a joke but



My father told me that in boot camp in the mid '50s the M-1s were stored in racks in the barracks and the drill instructor would come in and go right down the line pulling all the triggers. He said once a round went off and went thru the ceiling and all Hell broke loose. The guy that left the loaded M1 was going to have a very bad day.......

[Guamsst]

We had a guy at RAF Mildenhall who caught a hedgehog and put it in a shoebox. He told everyone that he was going to keep it as a pet. When he left to go take a fuel run the other airmen decided he was too careless and would just let it starve to death. So, they let it go. Then they decided they didn't want to spend half the night hearing him gripe about that so they put a can of Pepsi in the empty shoebox.

Amazing! every time he moved the box or tried to peek inside the can would roll and shift the box and he thought his hedgehog was trying to get out. He took the can home with him at the end of the shift.....LOL Apparently he was a bit confused and not too happy when he got home and realized he had been tricked by a soda can.

[Guamsst]

Also, there is sending the new guy out for 50ft of flightline, 50ft of shoreline (At coastal bases)

Then there are exhaust samples. (not as good with the new "green" diesel engines)

A classic was sending a new guy to get some fallopian tubes. Eventually someone directed him to the med group who sent him to women's health to speak to a gynecologist.

[Former Cav]

QUOTE
A classic was sending a new guy to get some fallopian tubes. END QUOTE

I was in the 1/77th Armor at Ft. Carson CO and we had M-60 tanks there back in 1967. We'd send some new guy to the Alpha company motor pool and tell them to get some tubing for the hyrdraulics inside the turret and it HAD to be Fallopian brand. "Just tell the guy you need some Fallopian tubes and he'll know what you want and how much", of course he'd get to the motor pool and the motor pool Sgt would catch on real quick and tell him he was out of it and to go to Bravo Company, Then Bravo would send him to Charlie Co, etc. They'd finally send the sucker up to Brigade somewhere. It was always entertaining.

Believe it or not, in So. Korea in 1966 they ISSUED "crab ointment" right out of supply, no prescription required!!
those were the days.
Bob

[blackhawknj]

Mine are still "classified" by "The Agency" but here are some I have heard from other veterans:
1. Controlled Substances DO have their usefulness. A Major I served with in the New York National Guard told me that he was once assigned to a Brigade S-2 section. The major in charge was a real jerk, took a dislike to a young soldier (and a good one) who was just doing his time and made it clear that when his enlistment ended (this was in the late 60s-early 70s) he was gone. The major ran that young troop ragged, especially during Annual Training. At the last one, the kid had his revenge. He spiked the coffee with amphetamines. Everyone who partook spent the first week wired, unable to rest, let alone sleep, nervous, jittery, then......
2. You can have a lot fun with ordinary household substances. One Army veteran serving in Germany in the 1970s said the Army had become very paranoid about arms room security and even walking past the locked arms room made you an object of suspicion. Early one morning they had an "alert'-oops, excuse me, "readiness test". Someone had injected glue into the locks of every arms room in the battalion.
3. The US Postal Service is your friend. A Marine serving in the 1980s said they had an E-4 who bucking hard from E-5 and decided the best way to do it was to be an SOB and a p----. At Mail Call he would receive packages that contained-homosexual porn.

[Michael Tompkins]

Duty at the Nike-Herc site was 24 on and 24 off for us MPs. Then we did 4 on 4 off inside the 24 hours. The mess hall sent us down "mid-night chow" on occasion which consisted of a couple of packs of hotdogs and buns. Pretty sad actually. No one really messed with the hotdogs, so they were thrown into the fridge to pile up.

One night, our COR Spec 4 "Bootsy" Collins came into the bunk room to wake us up for the 4 hr shift. He flips the light on and gives us the usual wake-up spiel. His buddy Mallory Gober wasn't getting up and kept going back to sleep. Bootsy went to the fridge and come back with a hotdog in his hand. Meanwhile, most of us had gotten up and were putting on our gear. (We all slept in our clothes because security reasons would not allow us to undress.) It was apparant that Bootsy had something in mind for Gober so we all stood there and watched...about a dozen of us.

Bootsy carefully climbed onto Gober's bunk and then carefully straddled his body with his crotch right in Mallory's face. He unzipped his pants and pulled his junk out. He then started to rub the hotdog back and forth across Mallory's lips. He did this several times until Mallory started to wake up. As soon as Gober opened his eyes, Bootsy hid the hotdog behind his back. So, there he lay with Bootsy's junk in his face and a wet feeling on his lips. Gober yelled and started trying throw Bootsy off him like a bucking bronco. The whole bunk room was screaming with laughter. Bootsy jumped off and ran out with Gober right behind him. Gober chased him around a bit, but then gave up.

Early in the morning at shift change, now it was Bootsy who was asleep in the bunk room. Mallory came down from the tower and we knew that it was going to be time for a little revenge. Mallory went a grabbed one of the larger CO2 fire extinguishers and brought it into the bunk room. He held the large bell-shape nozzle up to sleeping Bootsy's head and let go. In an instant, Bootsy's entire head looked frozen. He jumped up and started chasing Mallory around and eventually they wound up chasing each other around outside. Bootsy was a black guy and his his frozen hair made him look like a human strike-anywhere kitchen match chasing after Mallory. Funny stuff! Mike